Unintentional Assault, Intimidation, and Attempted Puppy-Napping

Leaving the apartment this morning on my way to get coffee, I walked past a girl and her brand new puppy. They were training; practicing commands like “sit”, “stay”, and “heel”. The puppy saw me and got distracted. I asked if I could pet the little thing, and she happily obliged.

He waggled his whole body while I scrunched and unscrunched his face and thwaped on his side. Becoming more and more excited, he ran between my legs, pulling his leash and moving his owner's hand quickly towards my "mid-section". I swung my leg over the leash to get unstuck and kicked her oncoming hand, hard enough to crack knuckles in her fingers.

I tried to acknowledge and apologize for what I did, but in a little panic I said something absurd, like “oops, popped your snappers there, didn’t I".

In my own mortification I turned away from her, groaning deeply and wearing an “I’m-so-embarrassed” look. And came face to face with her boyfriend and his own “what-the-hell-did-I-just-witness” face, which quickly changed into a good old fashioned “is-he-about-to-hit-me” face.

Confident in having inflicted sufficient damage to their morning, I skedaddled.

In a just world, the story would end here. This is not the case. When I kicked her hand, she dropped the leash, and the puppy trotted off in the direction I was about to start walking. Any reasonable person would try to grab the leash, but I'm still a little gimpy and I can't move quickly yet. So from their perspective, in 5 seconds I kicked the girl, growled at the guy, and helped the puppy abandon his owners. 

Class.


These are my neighbors. They live in my building. And while I may not see them again today or tomorrow, I will see them again eventually. All I can think to do is be ready with my low growl and the same face I gave that poor fellow.