"It Doesn't Get Any Countrier Than This"

McGraw Southern Blend

I feel like there are three types of men who wear cologne: Men who wouldn’t otherwise be aware of
its existence had someone else not purchased it for them, men who did bother to put a little time and
effort into discovering which scents are worth having, and finally, those men who are willing to buy a
brand purely on endorsement.

And there are plenty endorsements out there, celebrity or otherwise, hawking men’s cologne. David
Beckham, Michael Jordan, and Antonio Banderas, known for being the sweatiest, smelliest high
performance athletes and actors have cashed in their names and bottled their fame, charisma, and
sexual prowess so that you, luck guy, might partake in their sweet success.

This stuff, McGraw Southern Blend, has two major endorsements going for it: Tim McGraw, and the
whole entire South. That’s a lot to distil down to an aggravatingly small one fluid ounce bottle. One the
one hand, you have Mr. All-That-Is-Man Tim McGraw. That guy’s moustache alone can bench press 150
lbs, play the guitar, and fix an engine, all at the same time. And on the other hand you have the South;
not the incestuous lynch mob south, but the refined, sophisticated, values oriented high-society South.
I’m talking watching fireflies and heat lightning through the oak trees from the front porch South.

So has it worked?

No, unfortunately not. For starters, the bottle is a joke. The cap looks like a chintzy gold painted plastic
Christmas tree ornament done wrong. The top of the bottle is supposed to be saddled in “leather”, but
the plastic is so cheap it could actually be mistaken for treated cardboard.

The cologne itself wants to be manly with tobacco and whisky base and middle notes respectively.
However, this is as much commentary around current perceptions of manliness as it is ineffective
essential oils. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t smell bad, but it doesn’t smell good, either. And what little
scent there is doesn’t last half as long as most other colognes I’ve tried. What we have here is little more
than a fuzzy memory of southern heritage, a half hearted attempt at emotional evocation, which is
probably a long way from where McGraw had intended on landing.

Ain’t That The Way It Always Ends?

Ship Shape and Ready to Sail - Pure Nautica Discovery

It’s the first week of July and summer has finally found the Pacific Northwest. Fitting then that I should get my hands on Nautica’s new-for-2011 Pure Nautica Discovery, a summer scent if ever there were one.

Keeping well within the brand’s wheelhouse (get it? (wheelhouse is both a nautical term for the location a ship’s steering wheel and jargon for “sweet spot” (OK, never mind, jeez))), the bottle fades from nearly clear up top to a lovely topaz blue color. Grooves at the bottom of the glass add a weight to the bottle that anchors the brushed aluminum look of the cap. It’s a smart, safe package to be sure.

So what’s it like to wear?

Top notes are nice and airy; a little citrus noise balanced with a splash of sea water. It’s not too fruity which is fine because this scent is definitely marketed towards the male half of the population. Middle notes don’t stick around long, but lavender, ginger, and coriander do make themselves known, for a while at any rate. Bottom notes, the ones that hang around all day, are surprising; sandalwood and Virginia cedar settle down to a very pleasant aroma that does not lend itself to fatigue - very important if you’ll be wearing this every day. Really, it’s like carrying around a mug of spiced summer cider. Delicious. 

This is a scent devoid of all drama; perfect for someone just discovering cologne. Wear it to work, around home, and even out in the evenings. This is likely not for the connoisseur, it doesn’t really speak to a specific personality. Wonderful, then, for most of us.

Am I King?

(Review of Sean Jean's I Am King cologne)

Well, that all depends on how you look at it.

Current life cycles for a new cologne or perfume have been reduced from decades to maybe a couple years (by contrast, Coco’s Chanel No. 5 was introduced in 1921 and still tops $100 million in sales annually). With our insatiable ADD buying culture, we are constantly looking for the latest and greatest - considering new products obsolete even before they hit the market. So from that perspective, the fact that Diddy’s “I Am King” will even have a 3rd birthday to celebrate this November is in and of itself an accomplishment.

Packaging is elegant; a simple, clear glass bottle tinged pale lilac topped by a glassy mirrored cap gets the job done neatly. The understated branding in the bottom corner doesn’t scream vanity. Nice.

However, when you grab the top you notice two things right away: Firstly, you’ve stuck your grubby hands all over the once pristine cap, leaving smudgy finger prints behind. And secondly, the top is much lighter than it looks. You realize that it isn’t (probably wisely) actually made of mirrors, but cheap, shiny plastic. The whole experience is somewhat…disenchanting.

But hey, this is all about the scent, right?

“Top notes” (the very first thing you smell while the cologne is still wet) are all citrus fruits. Tangerine and Orange walk into your house uninvited, but that’s OK because they don’t stay long. While they take leave, you realize a darker more complicated somebody has been sitting in the corner the whole time. The “body” (what comes out when the top notes depart) draws out wood tones including cedar, sandalwood, and oakmoss, as well as sea water, lemon and cranberry. It’s like a warm summer’s night on the Riviera in a classic wooden speedboat. And there are a lot worse ways to spend your time.

The undertones settle down in a few hours to an enjoyable yet subtle spice and that’s exactly where they stay all day or all night. To test the longevity I sprayed directly onto my skin and then went for a five mile run. Sweating out three pounds of water weight later (no exaggeration) the scent was still hanging on, though in reality there wasn’t much left.

To be honest, I didn’t think I was going to like any scents by Puff Diddly, or P Daddy, or whatever it is that he calls himself right now. I figured the cologne would be like his recent music; juvenile, uninspiring, and increasingly irrelevant. But actually, I quite like I Am King. Is it the best cologne out there? No. It’s not even the best cologne I’ve personally owned. But is it King of the moment? Sure, why not.